Sunday, January 2, 2011

Reflections and intent.

In this new year, I'll be spending less time on the computer in general; on Facebook and a message board for mama friends in specific.

I will exit the year fitter, stronger, healthier, and smaller than I've entered it. Also braver.

As with previous years, I will continue to be working on being a better steward of resources in all facets.

I'll also be looking to expand radical hospitality in the ways in which I am so led. With the twin focus being to hone in on service to my very own family.

Less time spent on junky / less essential and distracting stuff makes for more time spent really present, with my child, my Mister, and other loved ones. Even me.

I want to exercise and read more. Have more dates with my Mister, and in general make more time for each other -- have deeper conversation, renew efforts to do things we enjoy together.I want to publish to earn again. To bust out the sewing machine, to excel in my work and in my schooling by putting forth the effort and putting in the time.

I want to move more, sit less. Listen more than I speak. Get plenty of sleep, eat green foods everyday, make fruit my favorite snack. Allow there to be room -- in my thoughts, my pants, my relationships. I want to know myself better, and how to address the realest longings of my heart.

Awhile back our Sunday Night group met. It was an evening of confession. I found something to confess to, and it was a real thing, but the thing gnawing at me that I couldn't bring myself to say aloud was, "Gluttony. I've been jamming myself full of biscuits and information and tasks and chocolate and Facebook and cups of coffee with half and half and none of it really feeds me, but I don't yet know how to be comfortable without all this -- there's a hole where I'm lonely and scared and sad and I'd really like to do it all differently. I am making myself sick with this way of being."

So, there. I've said it. And with each reflection and plan for the New Year, I state my intent to do it all differently, to thank my fat for protecting me, Facebook for its companionship, and so on. And let it go.

 It is well past time.

1 comment:

  1. I love you description of gluttony. I have never thought about it that way. But I feel the same way too. Thank you for being brave enough to post this.
    Leigh Ann