Saturday, July 18, 2009

Pain, heartache & oatmeal bars.

Oatmeal bars are in the oven because they are Ziggy's favorites, and because they are Amy's favorites, too. Amy and her boys have been a regular neighborhood part of our life for years, but a particularly beloved and regular part of our everyday world in the last year. Today is her big yard sale before she leaves to live in Flagstaff. We're taking oatmeal bars and lots of hugs because we really love her and will miss her, and we wish her and the boys well on this adventure.

The Mister is still in bed. Last night he was in excruciating pain. The kind that deeply concerns me, as it's seldom that I see my big strong beloved husband so disabled and wracked. Not since he had kidney stones soon after we married have I seen him writhe and ache so. I wish he'd had the wisdom teeth taken care of when it was recommended by our dentist and he did the consult, but here we are, and I love him and am worried. I do not want him to hurt and wish I could take it away. Generally speaking, I don't think oral surgeons are available on the weekend for surgical extraction, but we'll figure it out.

Ziggy's growing pains (leg cramps) have been aided lately by massage, a hot water bottle, and by some muscle balm made by The Merry Hempsters. He chose the latter at our local health & natural food shop, largely because it "smells like coffee cake" and is in a tube he can roll up and down and apply himself, much like Chapstick or some such. I give him leg rubs he calls "petch-massage" as I've explained the milking Swedish stroke I use for this purpose is petrissage.

The legs have been making it hard for him to sleep. And last night, as we lay there in our big family bed, my Mister turned away and clenching in pain, my boy asked the most heartbreaking question, "Mama, why always do you get mad at me every day?"

As previously expressed, it's been a rough week in terms of transition and added stressors. I've still been battling this cough and congestion, which has robbed me of much sleep, and have begun a new job.... Clearly, I've been cranky and frankly, in a few instances haven't mothered my son with the kind of care I strive for when pressed. My tone has become sharp, my "just a minute" has become too often. After neutrally talking with him about it and assuring him of my love and commitment to be gentler, that I don't want to make him feel as though I'm angry with him, Ziggy offered up, "or be a bad mama." No. I don't want to be a bad mama. I held him, and silently wept.

Today, I want to reconnect, rest, recreate; bring my focus from outer world to inner world. Provide that soft but steady place for my family to lean....


For the Oatmeal Bars, I use / adapt a recipe from Health online. My adaptations or changes from the first time I made them are below in dark red. I continue to work this, using more maple syrup, less sugar, whole wheat in place of unbleached all purpose flour, and adding this and that, like pumpkin in fall in place of the applesauce, which today I made on the stovetop. I also used coconut oil in place of the butter today.

Maple Date-Nut Oatmeal Breakfast Squares

Prep: 10 minutes; Bake: 25 minutes.

1/4 cup maple syrup I used 1/2 C.
1/4 cup coarsely chopped walnuts I used 1/2 C almonds instead
1 cup chopped pitted dates I used golden raisins instead
1/2 cup brown sugar Using brown sugar makes baked goods crispy but moist; I was out, so opted for a little more maple syrup as above
1/4 cup granulated sugar
1 egg
3 tablespoons butter, softened
1/2 cup applesauce
1/2 cup vanilla low-fat yogurt I used lowfat plain yogurt
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour I used unbleached white and gold flour from the 7th day Adventist commisary; it has some wheat germ in it
3 cups quick-cooking oats (not instant)
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
I added 3 T ground flax seed

1. Preheat oven to 350°.

2. Mix all ingredients in a large bowl, stirring slowly with a wooden spoon until well combined.

3. Spray a 9- x 13-inch baking pan with cooking spray. Pour batter into pan, and spread evenly.

4. Bake 25 minutes or until just golden brown around edges. Cool and cut into squares.

Yield: Makes 24 servings (serving size: 1 square)

1 comment:

  1. Anonymous9:02 AM

    difficult days indeed. hugs all 'round.
    tell ice cream we hope he gets some relief, and soon.
    hope yesterday soothed your soul and gave you time to play with, and enjoy, the zigster.