I've Been Pimped By Him So Many Times.

My Mister and the dog have their own thing going. Er, the dog not going, more like it.

Bert becomes, with my Mister, literally anal retentive. For me: not quite literally, it's a shit storm.

Last night, post birthing class and mid-way through a season two episode of The Sopranos (we're so hooked.... we're rewatching), Bert begins to do his buck dancing across the floor and the dropping of his huge $6 bone (purchased recently, by my Beloved Mister from the butcher at one of the fancy markets from whom he receives Nashville's Table goods for agencies in need) . I put down the last of the homemade peach ice cream and here's how the conversation goes:

Ms. Booty Homemaker: Well, looks like it's poo time. Should I take him out?

My Beloved Mister: The thing is, I've been pimped by him so many times.

MBH: (amused) Yeah, I know, baby. He won't perform for you.

MBM: We could choose to teach him restraint now, you know.

MBH: But what if he really needs to go?

MBM: Yeah, and he's telling us what he needs....

MBH: I think maybe I should just take him out.

MBM: (sighing) I'm sorry it has to be you, babe.

MBH: What if our child is like this?!?


MBM looks stricken.


MBH, dressed in one of her favorite slinky slips. & Bert, the dog, exit to the side yard; re-enter a short time later.


MBM: Well? The verdict?

MBH: He pooed. Immediately. Down in back by where the woods start.

MBM: Did you pick it up?

MBH: It was too dark.

MBM: I'll get it in the morning. (sigh)