Saturday, January 31, 2009

Another sixteen.

1. I have not one pinguecula, but two. In my eyes. The first one, in my left eye, has been there for years and years and years. I like the word, and have grown accustomed to the look of it, too.

2. During pregnancy with my son, my body became a repository for skin tags. My best friend attributes it to the Scotch-Irish part of my heritage, and that may be true. The dermatologist I saw to cut off the mole on my neck that was getting mangled by the seatbelt (ewww) was horrified I wouldn't pay out of pocket for him to cut all the tags off. I can't afford that kind of vanity anymore.

3. I long. And yearn. For things I can't always rightly name. Qualities or experiences. Not purchasable goods.

4. I think of myself as a very crafty girl. But I'm not so crafty at all. My very crafty friends help me see this. I can't even knit, for goodness sake. Despite Sue having taught me.

5. I grow impatient and weary of practice and hard work toward some things. Evidenced by my inability to knit as per above.

6. I can change. Oh, yes, I can.

7. I was a smoker. A really smokey smoker. So much so that my dearest friends just thought I'd made peace with being both spiritual and smokerish.

8. I quit smoking many many many times. Sometimes for years at a time. I quit for good as my husband's wedding present. It did take me two months beyond our wedding to really quit.

9. I used to have a different husband. That seems to me most days, nearly impossible. But it remains a truth from what feels like another life.

10. I have more than one dead old boyfriend. I miss them when I think of them, which isn't terribly often anymore. I thought I'd marry one, and thought I'd love the other forever. Turns out I was half right. But love isn't telling the whole story.

11.Whole stories are big. And unwieldy. I carry them around and don't really get them out to look at and share all that often. It is not out of shame.

12. I am a better mother than I am a wife.

13. I am often on the way to being the woman I always thought I could be. But I stumble.

14. I both cry and laugh often.

15. When I was eight years old, I was quite certain that I'd seen the Star of Bethlehem shining over me on St. Beatrice Court.

16. My son wants to know if I was ever Jesus, and where was he when I was in Bethlehem. I find this to be a difficult question to answer fully.


  1. Anonymous7:38 AM

    #15 is the first line of your memoir.

  2. Thank you for your recent comments. I enjoy reading your blog. I would say you really are becoming the woman you thought you could be. And isn't it a long journey for all of us--a lifetime's worth.

    P. S. I recently discovered that I can knit after all. Don't give up unless you really want to.

  3. we've talked of that night before, yes, old friend? perhaps you are right.

    thank YOU, Beverly. i'm so grateful for your "visit" here and for checking in. I won't give up on the knitting, no, nor on much else. i've enjoyed reading you, too.

    oh, yes. a long long journey indeed. it's why we're here, isn't it?

  4. Camille12:10 PM

    Paige, here are the top 100 craft tutorials of 2008 all smarmed together on one blog. They are all inspirational in their own ways; some are do-able and some are ridiculous. But check it out and be inspired, all the same!

    Here's to getting crafty in 2009!