Saturday, January 31, 2009

Another sixteen.

1. I have not one pinguecula, but two. In my eyes. The first one, in my left eye, has been there for years and years and years. I like the word, and have grown accustomed to the look of it, too.

2. During pregnancy with my son, my body became a repository for skin tags. My best friend attributes it to the Scotch-Irish part of my heritage, and that may be true. The dermatologist I saw to cut off the mole on my neck that was getting mangled by the seatbelt (ewww) was horrified I wouldn't pay out of pocket for him to cut all the tags off. I can't afford that kind of vanity anymore.

3. I long. And yearn. For things I can't always rightly name. Qualities or experiences. Not purchasable goods.

4. I think of myself as a very crafty girl. But I'm not so crafty at all. My very crafty friends help me see this. I can't even knit, for goodness sake. Despite Sue having taught me.

5. I grow impatient and weary of practice and hard work toward some things. Evidenced by my inability to knit as per above.

6. I can change. Oh, yes, I can.

7. I was a smoker. A really smokey smoker. So much so that my dearest friends just thought I'd made peace with being both spiritual and smokerish.

8. I quit smoking many many many times. Sometimes for years at a time. I quit for good as my husband's wedding present. It did take me two months beyond our wedding to really quit.

9. I used to have a different husband. That seems to me most days, nearly impossible. But it remains a truth from what feels like another life.

10. I have more than one dead old boyfriend. I miss them when I think of them, which isn't terribly often anymore. I thought I'd marry one, and thought I'd love the other forever. Turns out I was half right. But love isn't telling the whole story.

11.Whole stories are big. And unwieldy. I carry them around and don't really get them out to look at and share all that often. It is not out of shame.

12. I am a better mother than I am a wife.

13. I am often on the way to being the woman I always thought I could be. But I stumble.

14. I both cry and laugh often.

15. When I was eight years old, I was quite certain that I'd seen the Star of Bethlehem shining over me on St. Beatrice Court.

16. My son wants to know if I was ever Jesus, and where was he when I was in Bethlehem. I find this to be a difficult question to answer fully.

4 comments:

  1. Anonymous7:38 AM

    #15 is the first line of your memoir.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you for your recent comments. I enjoy reading your blog. I would say you really are becoming the woman you thought you could be. And isn't it a long journey for all of us--a lifetime's worth.

    P. S. I recently discovered that I can knit after all. Don't give up unless you really want to.

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  3. we've talked of that night before, yes, old friend? perhaps you are right.

    thank YOU, Beverly. i'm so grateful for your "visit" here and for checking in. I won't give up on the knitting, no, nor on much else. i've enjoyed reading you, too.

    oh, yes. a long long journey indeed. it's why we're here, isn't it?

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  4. Camille12:10 PM

    http://thelongthread.com/?p=2021

    Paige, here are the top 100 craft tutorials of 2008 all smarmed together on one blog. They are all inspirational in their own ways; some are do-able and some are ridiculous. But check it out and be inspired, all the same!

    Here's to getting crafty in 2009!

    ReplyDelete